WTF! Your Friend has Cancer

If you have a friend or loved one who has cancer, you may be wondering how you can best support them. Of course they are going through a lot, but you are also going to be experiencing many emotions and probably be feeling lost and scared yourself.

The biggest thing is not to be afraid to talk with your friend. Even if you are scared of saying something wrong. Explain to them that you don’t know what to say, this is far better than to stop contact because you are scared of saying the wrong thing.

Every relationship is different with different roles, boundaries and emotions. In this article we are going to cover supporting a friend with cancer and offer some practical advice from people who have been there on what you can do to help. You can take inspiration from the below suggestions to allow you to be the best support to your friend possible.

You can also read our 'what not to say' article for advice on how not to unintentionally upset your loved one who has cancer.

If you have a friend going through treatment remember the other people supporting them.

Main carers can become overwhelmed and sometimes feel overlooked but not want to make a fuss as they aren't sick.

During my cancer treatment my partner found it hard that no one asked how he was - everyone asked him how I was. However, he was also struggling that someone he loved was going through such a tough time.

Checking in to see how the carer is coping or offering to help them with errands, indirectly helps your friend. It gives them emotional or practical assistance and frees up capacity to be a better support for your friend.

One of the biggest things I found during my cancer treatment was that well-meaning friends would say "Let me know if there is anything I can do". This is wonderful and I appreciated the sentiment but I didn't know what I might need and I hate asking for help.

One neighbour would make me meals once a week when they were cooking for themselves, this was always very well received.

Would I have ever asked them to cook me a meal? Hell no!

Did I appreciate the food and did it make my life easier? For sure!

Here are some things that may help your friend day to day;

Emotional:

• Offer unconditional love and support,

• Laugh together, cancer is shit but keeping a sense of humour and positive attitude around them can really help make a crap situation more bearable,

• Regular texts or emails - but don't expect anything back as they may not always be up to replying,

• Letting them express their emotions or cry if necessary,

• If they are religious you can let them know you are keeping them in your prayers,

• Regular cards or letters can be comforting and don't come with the pressure of an immediate response like a text or phone call can,

• Small gifts to let them know you are thinking of them,

• Advocating on their behalf with medical procedures,

• Call if your friend is someone who likes to talk on the phone. Don't be surprised if they don't always answer but know they will appreciate the call even if they don't feel up to talking right then,

• Hugs! If your friend is a hugger they are going to welcome these with open arms.. literally,

• If your friend has decided to shave their hair, going along for a cut at the same time can show solidarity. You might not be up for a buzz cut but you could perhaps cut long hair short to donate to a wig charity,

• Don't let the cancer become all consuming, your friend may want to talk about it but there are many other aspects to their personality and they have the same interests they had before cancer. Encourage them to still talk about and engage in the things they love.

Financial

• Your friend may be concerned about money but most people don't want to ask for financial help. With their permission, you could start a fundraiser so other people can contribute and ease some financial pressure.

• If you are in a position to, you may give them cold hard cash to help with time out of work or other medical expenses.

• Gift vouchers for meals for when they don't feel like cooking will be well received.

Time

• Take your friend out for a short stroll or to an activity they have the energy for. This might just be a coffee in the park.

• Personal visits can mean so much, just check they are feeling up to it first and make sure they know it is OK if they say no.

Gifts

• A blanket which they can use to nap when they are feeling unwell. Bonus points if you can have it embroidered with supportive messages. A weighted blanket can also help with anxiety.

• Chemo can really dry out skin so a fancy hand cream or moisturiser will be well received. I absolutely fell in love with Elizabeth Arden's Eight hour hand cream.

• Something that your friend might not buy for themselves that will lift the spirits such as a Beautiful candle or flowers can brighten their day. I was gifted a crystal candle with clear quartz for good health which I thought was a very touching gesture.

• If you friend loses their hair a gorgeous scarf or some other headwear will be a useful gift. I love the simple but bright patterns on this satin headscarf.

• The drugs that are given to fight cancer can leave an unpleasant taste and cause nausea in the mouth so ginger lollies or mints can come in handy for your friend,

• If your friend likes puzzles, a crossword or sudoku book will keep them entertained during their chemo sessions.

• We have also put together chemo packs that include things they may need to get them through treatment. These include products we found useful ourselves.

Practical

• Preparing meals that can be kept in the fridge or freezer until a time your friend needs them can be very useful,

• Fresh fruit delivered to their house will give them something healthy to snack on without too much though,

• If you aren't much of a cook gift cards for food delivery will allow your friend to choose some comforting meals themselves,

• If your friend has a favourite coffee and it is practical you can include them in your morning coffee run and deliver to them,

• When you are grocery shopping offer to pick up anything they need, they might not want to make you do a special trip for them but if you are already there will be more comfortable telling you what they need,

• Make like Uber and offer to drive them to and from appointments,

• Help with household chores or errands, things like offering to empty the dishwasher or take the bins out when you are visiting is a small thing that can make a difference,

• If they have children offer playdates or sleepovers with your own kids or to take them for fun days out to give your friend a break and the kids some much needed fun,

• If you have children in the same school offer to do the school run as often as practical,

• Helping them find support groups or counselling services,

• Make plans to do small activities but make sure they are aware you are flexible and there are no hard feelings if they need to cancel,

• Above all if you offer help make sure you follow through!

Primary Carers

During this time it is also important to look after yourself, especially if you are the primary carer. Some practical things you can do for yourself are;

• Staying in touch with other friends and family members

• Joining a support group for caregivers

• Getting regular exercise and eating a healthy diet

• Taking time for yourself to relax and recharge

• Seeking professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed

If you find yourself needing to talk to someone after reading this article you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or The Cancer Council on 13 11 20

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Shop To Help

FU Cancer Network is a passion project, but it comes with costs. Purchasing through the links below won’t cost you extra, but a small commission will help maintain the site and expand offerings. Not all products earn a commission, but if they do it helps me to keep this space alive for those who need it most.These are items I used myself, friends used or come highly recommended via other channels. I spent many hours researching what would help my skin, hair and mental health during treatment, you can benefit from that now and skip the research.

Some of these are thoughtful gifts to give to people you care about who are having treatment and some are to gift to yourself.

You'll probably notice there are some swearies in the titles of some books, because.... F cancer!

What The F*ck Just Happened. A Survivor's Guide to Life After Breast Cancer Click To Purchase	The Cancer Survivor Handbook Your Guide to Building a Life After Cancer Click To Purchase
Chemo P!ssed Me Off. A Breast Cancer Roadmap: Navigating with Faith, Gratitude, and a Little Bit of Attitude Click To Purchase	F*** You Cancer: How to face the big C, live your life and still be yourself Click To Purchase
The Cancer Ladies’ Running Club: The most emotional, uplifting and life-affirming novel of summer 2023 Click To Purchase	Chemotherapy Journal Punch Cancer in the Face: Cancer Chemo Journal Click To Purchase
Clinique Even Better Clinical Radical Dark Spot Corrector. I messed up my skin (which you aren't going to do as you will ALWAYS wear sunscreen) and this cleared up the sunspots within a couple of weeks. I highly recommend for reducing blemishes & correcting skin tone and will continue to use it now I'm post chemo. Click To Purchase	Eau Thermale Avène Cicalfate+ Restorative Protective Cream Avène Cicalfate+ Restorative Protective Cream helps repair damaged, dry, cracked, and non-oozing skin in 48 hours. Skin is immediately soothed after the first application, and the cutaneous barrier is restored. In fact, all the Avene Products are worth considering when you have delicate skin from chemo.   Click To Purchase
Cancer Council Daywear SPF 50+ Light Tint BB Cream As above you are going to wear sunscreen every single day from now on and this is a great option. I apply this after my moisturiser and know I'm heading out with 50+ protection on my delicate facial skin. If I'd been doing this from the start I wouldn't have needed the Clinique! Check out other cancer council products at the link below. Click To Purchase	Hand Weights. Light weights for use when doing at home pilates If you are able to get to the gym maintaining muscle by using hand weights can be a simple way to workout at home. Click To Purchase
Yoga Mat with Alignment Lines. Anti-Slip. Beautiful yoga mat featuring alignment lines to assist you with the position of arms and legs. This helps with at home pilates or yoga by encouraging you to keep your body in balance with accurate posture for the best practice. Click To Purchase	Activity Tracker As exercise can help you with your cancer treatment and recovery now might be a great time to invest in a fitness tracker if you haven't already. The Fitbit (or similar) is a great option which encourages mindfulness plus tracks exercise and sleep. Click To Purchase
The Menopause Book If your treatment puts you into medical menopause this book with help you navigate this new phase in your life. Click To Purchase	Menopause Supplements If you need help managing hot flushes due to medical menopause some of these supplements may help rebalance your hormones. As with any supplements do not take these without consulting with your oncology team. Click To Purchase
Satin Head Scarfs Play around with head scarves to see what styles and colours suit you. This style was great for me when I lost most of my hair. Click To Purchase	UGG Slippers I was very lucky and only got a very small amount of neuropathy in my feet but I do feel the cold more now. During chemo I swapped my normal thongs around the house for Uggs to avoid the cold in my toes. It really does make a world of difference. Click To Purchase
Aromatherapy Diffusers A thoughtful gift for a loved one facing cancer is always welcomed. Diffusers offer a safe, convenient, and flame-free way to create a calming atmosphere. Gentle, long-lasting fragrances provide comfort and relaxation, making them a perfect gift for promoting peace and well-being. Click To Purchase	Rose Quartz Gifts Rose quartz is not only a beautiful gift for a loved one fighting cancer but some believe Rose quartz promotes love, healing, and emotional balance while reducing stress and anxiety with its calming energy—perfect for self-care and inner peace. There are a number of styles at the link below Click To Purchase
The Ordinary Multi Peptide Serum for Hair Density This hair growth serum is is designed to support hair health so that it looks thicker, denser, fuller and healthier. Be aware that it contains caffeine to stimulate the follicles so keep this for when you have finished chemo as it can actually have the opposite effect you are going for if you use it whilst undergoing treatment. Click To Purchase	Miracle Spray Hair Treatment I LOVE this product and was using it before chemo on recommendation from a friend. It is great to leave in after washing when you can't blow dry to help contain fluffiness from dried out chemo hair! Click To Purchase
TOPPIK Hair Building Fibers Toppik Hair Building Fibers, are made of colored keratin protein and it blends with existing hair strands to instantly create the appearance of naturally thick, full hair. I used this when my bald spot was at it's worse and I didn't want to wear a wig. I was skeptical about this product but it is honestly amazing how it works. Click To Purchase	Silk Pillow Cases Protect hair and skin during chemo with silk fabric pillowcases. During chemotherapy, silk pillowcases offer benefits like reduced friction, moisture retention, and a gentle surface for sensitive skin and hair, which can be particularly helpful during hair loss and regrowth.Perfect as a thoughtful gift for a loved one going through treatment Click To Purchase

Support Resources

Cancer Council Australia

CCA an organisation to support all Australians affected by cancer through support, research and prevention programs.

Ovarian Cancer Australia

OCA is an independent national not-for-profit organisation, supporting women diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Our focus is to provide care and support for those affected by ovarian cancer; and represent them by leading change. Our vision is to save lives and ensure no woman with ovarian cancer walks alone.

Breast Cancer Network Australia

BCNA Breast Cancer Network Australia (BCNA) is Australia’s leading breast cancer consumer organisation. We have worked tirelessly to ensure that all Australians who are affected by breast cancer receive the very best care, treatment and support.

Bowel Cancer Australia

BCA Peer-to-Peer Support Network connects patient’s and loved ones on a one-to-one buddy basis that enables members to give and receive advice about their bowel cancer experience in an informal and mutually beneficial way.

Leukaemia Foundation

LF is a support service for patients and supporters dealing with blood cancers.

*FU Cancer is supported by its audience. If you choose to purchase through the links on our site we may receive an affiliate commission. This goes towards paying our expenses plus a percentage of our monthly profit goes towards directly helping people with cancer. If you know someone who could do with a boost during their cancer treatment please let us know here.

*FU Cancer is supported by its audience. If you choose to purchase through the links on our site we may receive an affiliate commission. This goes towards paying our expenses plus a percentage of our monthly profit goes towards directly helping people with cancer. If you know someone who could do with a boost during their cancer treatment please let us know here.